“It is complex” I said. Sometimes you are thinking deeply and then instinctively speak out your thought.

“What is complex” Lulu, my parrot asked. “Don’t speak in riddles.”

“The man-woman relationship. The husband-wife relationship I mean. It is very complex.”

“Yes, true. What makes you think about this, man?”

“I once attended a meeting at a drug de-addiction centre. There was a person who had quit drinking spoke, and then his wife spoke.”

Lulu hopped in front of me, curious he was. “Interesting format. You can hear both sides – the addict’s story of how he got in to it and then the relative’s story of how they suffered.”

“One lady stood up when it was her turn to speak, obviously after her husband had spoken. She narrated her travails resulting from his alcoholism and recovery. Then his relapse and again his recovery. She said she owed so much to her father in law who supported her during the family crisis.”

“Remarkable!”

“Yes. Then she posed a question, she spoke of her fear. What if her husband has a relapse? Her father in law, her support, had passed away and she said that she felt extremely vulnerable.”

Lulu stopped nibbling at guava. He thought for a while. “I guess she was not trusting her husband for keeping away from alcohol. She was also referring to the extreme pain and misery he had brought to her and family. I guess she was afraid that she may have the same fate again. The husband may have kept away from alcohol, but she was thinking of him as a potential threat to them. Oh, what a sorry state!”

“True, Lulu. The husband wife relationship made her a slave of circumstances.”

“Slave! That’s a powerful statement. And so true!! Remember what Osho says? “There are three rings of love: the engagement ring, the wedding ring and the suffer-ring!” Relationship becomes a bondage.”

“I also know of another gentleman who was a ‘self-made’ man. His family was poor. He struggled to make two ends meet, yet he prudently worked and became a successful businessman. When he contracted blood cancer, he planned for his wife to live with dignity and pride. He is gone, and she is not dependent on anyone.”

“We have two stories of relationships, one was destructive, the other was supportive. Why do you think it happens?”

“Hmmm…… Several factors must be at work. Different personalities, different priorities.”

“No man, people do not think of their responsibility. They do not understand that freedom of their partner must be respected and nourished. That is the meaning of love. That is how relationships are built.”

“Isn’t it a tall order to understand this in your mid-twenties when you get married? That’s why they say all men are ‘work in progress’ – never really ready.”

“And the biggest problem is that men and women do not think about the meaning of relationship, and what it entails.” Lulu said as he looked at me.

Vivek S Patwardhan