When We Carry a Bleeding Wound

Lulu, my parrot, flew in and settled on my worktable. His reflection on the dark screen created a beautiful picture. And Nina, my myna, also flew in and settled on my worktable opposite Lulu. Nina surveyed the scene, but did not utter a word.

Long silence followed, and we only casually glanced at each other.

“It was a bad scene, very bad scene,” Nina said and hopped forward. Girls can’t tolerate silence I said to myself. “A man inured in a street fight was being taken to the hospital; he had a big injury, and it was bleeding. Terrifying it was.”

“People have become more violent. When there is turbulence in the air, they blame climate ….”

“ …. and who will you blame for the increased violence in the society, Lulu?”

“The injured man will carry a wound on the body and a wound in the mind. He will probably try to settle score. Revenge!” I said as I threw the newspaper in front of them. It was full of stories of violence.

“That man’s psychological wound will not heal quickly. His anger will keep it bleeding.”

“Oh Nina, I am reminded of the character in Mahabharat – Ashwatthama. That’s my association with a bleeding wound.”

“Ashwatthama had to surrender the gem on his forehead for directing the ‘bramhastra’ against Uttara’s unborn child. It left a wound on his forehead. Lord Krishna cursed him that he would roam in the forests with blood and pus oozing out of his injuries, and with no one to talk to!”

“A bleeding wound and no one to talk to! Double whammy!! Isn’t that terrible?”

“Why! We see that happening to us when we carry a wound in mind”

“And we replay the act of retaliation or whatever we wanted to do then in our mind, and it keeps the wound bleeding”

“In that sense we are like Ashwatthama; some of us carry the bleeding wound lifelong. Ashwatthama had no one to talk to, we refrain from talking to anyone. Such a similarity!”

“This resonates with me. I know of an employee who assaulted a manager on the instructions of his union leader, and he faced disciplinary proceedings. As he realised that he was about to be dismissed, he met the manager in private and apologised for the assault.”

“He did not wish to carry the bleeding wound, misdirected man he was, but he corrected himself”

“I guess this may be okay in official relationships, but I have not seen people apologising to their relatives. And that surprises me”

“Why should it surprise you? Loss of face. Nobody likes it.” Nina said.

“It is not as if relatives do not apologise to each other, but it may be rarer than what happens in office. Frankly, we are talking about our impressions”

“And even if an elder person commits a mistake which he regrets deeply, he is very unlikely to apologise to the younger person who was his victim”

“The punishment in all these cases is to carry the bleeding wound lifelong. In that sense it is a ‘life sentence’. But don’t you think that women do not hesitate to apologise if they committed a blunder, but men stay tight lipped?” Lulu asked.

“Yes Lulu. It comes more easily to women than men.”

“But apology only reduces pain. I wonder if it clears it completely.”

“The best way is not to get in that situation which we will regret in future.”

“You said it”

“Look what happened to President Bill Clinton. He had to apologise, not once, but repeatedly. He said, ‘Indeed I did have a relationship with Miss Lewinsky that was not appropriate. In fact, it was wrong … I misled people, including even my wife. I deeply regret that.’”

“That was because nobody believed that the apology showed a penitent heart or remorse which are essential aspects of an apology. It looked like he just wanted to get the matter closed somehow and realised that there was no escape but to tender apology.”

“True. Penitent heart and remorse. I will remember it. Without them we cannot cleanse our mind.”

“Right. But there is another way to cleanse our mind …”

“What’s that?”

“When you apologise you express regret or remorse for a wrong action, while “forgiving” is the decision to let go of anger or resentment towards someone who has wronged you.”

“Forgiving! That would be the situation in which Mrs Hillary Clinton must have found herself!”

“You apologise if you are like Ashwatthama. You forgive if you are wronged like Hillary Clinton. Both are so difficult” I said, “Unless you are a well-developed person”

“Nah!” Lulu, my parrot, said, “you are putting the cart before the horse. You create yourself by being authentic. And the only way to create yourself is to be authentic. Apologise and forgive, whatever is the right thing to do.” Lulu looked at me, so did Nina, my myna. Both moved closer to me and looked straight in my eyes.

Vivek S Patwardhan

What you leave behind is not what is engraved in stone monuments, but what is woven into the lives of others/ All work copyrighted.