Mother’s day, Parrot and Cold Logic
Lulu, the parrot, circled over my head and then descended to settle on my lap.
‘Hey! That’s not the place for you; parrots sit on shoulders and on hands’. I said.
‘I know you keep your ‘Laptop’ here, but so what? I am more intelligent than your laptop, if not
its owner’ Lulu said.
‘You are increasingly becoming arrogant’ I said, ‘Do you know it is ‘Mother’s day’ today? I remember her very much’.
‘Oh yes, she was a fine lady. She passed away six years ago isn’t it?’ Lulu said rubbing his beak on my arm, ‘But the time you spent with her was getting shorter and the subjects of discussion fewer as both of you grew older, right?’
‘Yes. My work and travel kept me busy and left little time to interact. She is gone to the land from which nobody returns, and I feel I was unfair to her’. I said.
‘I may be arrogant but you are not truthful’ Lulu protested, ‘You always knew that she wanted to spend just fifteen minutes in a day with you. You never did!’ Lulu said pulling my ear with his beak.
‘You are pulling my ear, you idiot’, I shouted, ‘and it hurts’.
‘Something more seems to be hurting you today’ Lulu, the parrot, continued.
‘I never knew that parrots get trained as Psychoanalysts’ I said. ‘Yes, you are right again. During the last two months of her life she was lying in the bed like a vegetable with her right side
paralysed. Her brain was severely damaged. She had somehow managed to remove the tube through which she was fed; it was inserted through her nose. A close friend who was also a doctor advised me not to insert it again. Relatives agreed. I was very confused but agreed’ I said.
‘Doctors see the world differently. Why continue the agony? The Doctor-friend would have thought’, Lulu said jumping on my shoulder. ‘In any case, her days were numbered’.
‘She gave me life and I gave her death’ I said wiping off my tears.
‘You are getting very sentimental, but I understand you. Do not carry such feelings of guilt. After all, you relieved her of the agony of living like a vegetable for probably fifteen days. Do not think about it, it is futile. Just say your daily prayer.’ Lulu hopped on to my head. With a flutter of his wings he flew away.
Lulu may be right, but cold logic does not cure.
‘Hey! That’s not the place for you; parrots sit on shoulders and on hands’. I said.
‘I know you keep your ‘Laptop’ here, but so what? I am more intelligent than your laptop, if not
its owner’ Lulu said.‘You are increasingly becoming arrogant’ I said, ‘Do you know it is ‘Mother’s day’ today? I remember her very much’.
‘Oh yes, she was a fine lady. She passed away six years ago isn’t it?’ Lulu said rubbing his beak on my arm, ‘But the time you spent with her was getting shorter and the subjects of discussion fewer as both of you grew older, right?’
‘Yes. My work and travel kept me busy and left little time to interact. She is gone to the land from which nobody returns, and I feel I was unfair to her’. I said.
‘I may be arrogant but you are not truthful’ Lulu protested, ‘You always knew that she wanted to spend just fifteen minutes in a day with you. You never did!’ Lulu said pulling my ear with his beak.
‘You are pulling my ear, you idiot’, I shouted, ‘and it hurts’.
‘Something more seems to be hurting you today’ Lulu, the parrot, continued.
‘I never knew that parrots get trained as Psychoanalysts’ I said. ‘Yes, you are right again. During the last two months of her life she was lying in the bed like a vegetable with her right side
paralysed. Her brain was severely damaged. She had somehow managed to remove the tube through which she was fed; it was inserted through her nose. A close friend who was also a doctor advised me not to insert it again. Relatives agreed. I was very confused but agreed’ I said.‘Doctors see the world differently. Why continue the agony? The Doctor-friend would have thought’, Lulu said jumping on my shoulder. ‘In any case, her days were numbered’.
‘She gave me life and I gave her death’ I said wiping off my tears.
‘You are getting very sentimental, but I understand you. Do not carry such feelings of guilt. After all, you relieved her of the agony of living like a vegetable for probably fifteen days. Do not think about it, it is futile. Just say your daily prayer.’ Lulu hopped on to my head. With a flutter of his wings he flew away.
Lulu may be right, but cold logic does not cure.
Vivek S Patwardhan
(Pic Simon Rae)
“She gave me life and I gave her death.” Ohhh… my heart broke to read that. I can’t imagine the decision you had to make and how it haunts you still. Think about the happy memories though that you shared with her. Wouldn’t she want that?
I feel that you have expressed a deep sadness under that lighthearted chit-chat with the parrot. Please do not feel that you have given ‘death’ to your mother. You have given her ‘release’ (what we call in Bengali ‘chhuti’) from the pain of mortal life and have freed her soul to enter the realms of eternity. I hope my children have the courage to do the same if I am old and infirm and suffering.
You will meet several Lulu’s in life. They come to test your mind. And make you stronger to deal with the world.
Mothers know their children the best. And the frailest of them display amazing strength, It probably wasn’t easy for your mother to pull out the Ryles tube, lying in bed , without strength, with one side paralysed. She was probably telling you something , knowing only you would understand. And you did. Not many can people do that. And it takes a lot of empathy and guts.
You just need to pay heed to Lulu’s last sentence…..
euthanasia’s a very hurtful topic indeed…i just hope this piece was a result of your venture into writing short stories…
If it’s not, my condolences from deep, deep inside…
It must have been a heart-wrenching decision for you…
But please dont live with this guilt….you liberated your Mother from pain….
A masterpiece. Few people can convey what is in their hearts as effortlessly as you have.
I feel for you. I know I can only offer condolences & they may not be of any comfort to you, who have had to bear this loss.
Regards,
Govindraj Umarji
Fantastic Sir. Itwas very touching. You did what was destined. We, as humans, need to understand one thing’ to forgive ourselves – since we have been taught only to forgive others’
human-inhuman, right-wrong, good-bad are the definitions made by us as per our convenience. It's all in our minds and it changes with time.
What you did was right for many and wrong for many; but it was the most appropriate thing to have happened to the one suffering.
From Daisy
Dear Mr Patwardhan.
Thanks, It is wasvery touching indeed!!! tears rolled down my eyes whiel reading it. It is really takes courage to do so.
Finally it is destiny, you may be the reason to cause this but finally her time was over.
It really touches our heart. Dont blame yourself for the fact as this was a destiny which were going to happened after few days…..
Dear Sir,
There are tears in my eyes in knowing the loss of your life. Bravo to you for writing and sharing this story of your life which today is an inspiration to us in many ways!!
God bless her soul!!
Regards
Swatantra
Sir, after going through this, I feel like an idiot for not sparing 15mins daily for my mother
True! Cold logic does not cure…