Why Three-Fourth of Life is a Lie!

“Smiling? Hey, what’s the matter?” Lulu, my parrot, asked me.
“I remembered the plight of a friend who had not wished his wife ‘Happy Birthday!’ Ha…ha. He was in another city and remembered that it was his wife’s birthday only when somebody reminded him.”
“What did he do then?”
“Called her up, what else?” I said.
“That must have been some tense conversation…. Or ‘crucial conversation’ as some HR guys say.”
“Oh, leave them alone. But look at it this way… don’t you think too much is being made of Birthday celebrations?”
“Looks like you too were also a victim of ‘forgot-the-birthday’ syndrome.” Lulu said.
“Oh, many times! But I can’t understand the mind of these ladies. Why do they make so much fuss? After two decades of marriage?”
“That’s simple. You divide your time between family and work. So effectively they compete for your attention. That is why they say ‘Job is a jealous mistress.’”
“Oh yes, but it is the job of the man to be the ‘bread winner.’ He can’t sit at home all time and look after his wife and be lovey-dovey to her.”
“You are arguing without understanding the point. A wife wants her husband to be a lover and achiever, both! Not just playing one role.” Lulu said.
“So what did he do? Did he buy her some gift? That’s the standard trick.”
“Did her take out for dinner to very expensive restaurant?” Lulu asked.
“Did he send flowers before his arrival at home?”
“Then how did he face her?” Lulu said in puzzled tone.
“He told her that his boss had called a meeting suddenly early in the morning and in the busy schedule that followed, he forgot to call her up.”
“Don’t tell me she believed him.” Lulu said.
“Of course she did not. Ladies can perceive truth almost intuitively.” I clarified.
“She told him that he could have still found time to call her up. But he came out with a gem of an argument.”
“What was that?” Lulu asked.
“He said – “Darling, There was a flurry of activity as a result of this sudden early morning meeting. As you know, but for this meeting I would have surely called up. Oh, look at it this way…. half of life is ‘if.’’” I mean he asked her to check the spelling of Life and pointed out that out of the four letter word, two letters are ‘If.’” I explained.
“Did she not then tell him that by his logic three-fourths of Life is a ‘Lie?’” Lulu asked as he laughed and perched on my shoulder.