I write this letter to wish you a very happy birthday and a life full of achievements, and satisfaction. It is your 18^th birthday, so this is a special occasion. (This was my letter to my granddaughter; I write regularly to her on various occasions).

Remember, all birds leap out of their nest; they realize the strength of their wings, and they learn how to use the wind to reach their destination. Figuratively, this describes what happens to us when we are eighteen.

This life phase brings freedom which we enjoy. It must never be valued over the love and protection family gives. Both are essential for our growth and for leading a meaningful life.

A few more words of advice. These come out of my experience and learning.

Three important things we must focus on throughout our life – Direction, Relationships and Rejuvenation.

The first is Direction which plays a very critical role. Please decide what career choices are before you and work on converting them as your career.

At this stage you will also be deciding what kind of person you wish to be – someone who is widely read, good listener, one who is keen to form opinions on not only on things that matter, but also on social issues.

There is no ‘this or that’ here, you can be all of this, and it is all in your hands. You must decide what you wish to become.

We are discussing having a ‘Direction’ in our life. What happens when we become directionless? Timothy Shaddock, an Australian sailor and his dog, Bella, were rescued by a Mexican tuna boat after being stranded for three months in the Pacific Ocean. A severe storm left them adrift before they were miraculously spotted. If they had not been rescued, they would have lost their lives.

In real life, those who lose ‘direction’ fail to live a good meaningful life.

The second important factor is building ‘Relationships.’ Strong bonds, deep relationships go a long way in making a successful life. Typically, people pay less attention to this factor, though nobody will ever admit it. We presume good relationships will last forever, and bad relationships cannot be worked upon. Both the presumptions are wrong and self-defeating. To see ample evidence of this statement, keep it in mind while watching movies.

Relationships are not based on ‘quid pro quo’. Givers are more successful in life than Takers.

To relate means to be in another person’s shoes, or in other words, to practice   empathy. Unfortunately, we tend to ‘judge’ people. That’s a big mistake. A blunder! It is a habit which breaks many relationships.

Mother Theresa said, ‘If you keep judging people, you will have no time to love them.’ That is a great insight, right? 

Fostering relationships often leads to the dilemma – in the context of relationship, shall we be empathetic or rational in our response?

We watched ‘The Intern’ together. Anne Hathway is shown as a bad listener in the first half of the movie. And she is unable to ‘connect’ with people because she is not empathetic. Robert de Niro on the other hand portrays a mature person who understands emotions and he is also rational in his approach. This is why he stands out. Watch the movie again to understand my point.

Balancing emotions and rationality does not come easily. Overdose of emotionality creates big drama. Bollywood movies are full of such plots. We must understand emotions of our relatives, friends and just about everybody. But the decisions must be taken rationally. Like we see Robert de Niro advising Anne Hathway in The Intern.

I am emphasising balancing between understanding emotions and deciding rationally because it is a single factor that leads to great success. It is also the hallmark of maturity.

There will be provocations. When you get emotional, take a deep breath and regain your composure as well as ability to think rationally. Holding your breath for a while places your future in your hands!

And lastly focus on ‘Rejuvenation.’ It means ‘the act or process of making someone look or feel young and energetic again.’ Those who are over involved in their jobs ignore rejuvenation. Not focusing on rejuvenation is like not pressing the accelerator.

The question is how do we rejuvenate?  

The answer will be different for different people. Hariprasad Chaurasia who is an all-time great flutist said that seeing anything beautiful, a flower or a painting makes him give best performance. Those who practice meditation, and making music is considered ‘dynamic meditation,’ achieve this exalted state of mind. Dancing is a dynamic meditation too, and I am so happy that you are learning it for the past eleven years. Practicing dance daily will give you the experience of dynamic meditation.

There are of course other ways. Reading good books, stories of achievers, stories of people who have overcome adversities gives us energy to do meaningful things in our life. These are, however, passive ways. I would rather urge you to choose active ways like long distance running, doing art, dance, or creative writing at which you are good.

I found my rejuvenation in in blogging. Often the inspiration came from the books of Osho. And writing a good blog post elevates my mood and confidence. There is no one way. The point is we must focus on rejuvenation.

And finally think about this: ‘There are always two choices, two paths to take. One is easy. Its only reward is that it is easy.’ You will face this choice dilemma at every step of your life henceforth.

In a factory, three workers committed theft. Two asked for pardon and they were pardoned and retained in service. For the entrepreneur it was easy to dismiss all but he chose the path of reformation over retribution. Dismissal would have been easy, and its only reward would have been that it was easy. Reformation was a big decision and highly rewarding.

You will have two choices of career, two choices of spending money or saving it, two choices of focusing on your agenda and accepting a friend’s request. The list can be long.

Please consider advice of all and go by the diktat of your conscience. It is only then that you will have the energy to make it work for you.

All our advice might make you feel that life is difficult and complicated. Indeed, it is not easy. But we also make it difficult for ourselves and we complicate it unnecessarily. In retrospect, many old people would say that to you! I hope our words will go a long way in keeping it simple and uncomplicated for you.

My best wishes, and lots of love,

Aaji and Aaba  (Sulabha and Vivek Patwardhan)

“What you leave behind is not what is engraved in stone monuments, but what is woven into the lives of others.” All matter copyrighted.

तुम्ही जो वारसा मागे ठेवून जाता, तो म्हणजे दगडी स्मारकांवर कोरलेले शब्द नव्हे; तर तो वारसा म्हणजे इतरांनी आयुष्य विणताना विणले गेलेले तुमचे धागे होत.” सर्व मजकूर कॉपीराइट-संरक्षित आहे.