My Blind Date
People get curious when they hear ‘Blind Date.’ Blind date implies romantic meeting. But my meeting with her was not romantic. Not at all!
Anubhuti called up. I used to teach an elective at Tata Institute of Social Sciences for many years. Although Anubhuti was not my student, she often reached out to me for guidance.
“Sir, we need your help,” Anubhuti said. “Various companies are coming to the Institute for selection, and the placement season is coming to a close. Goma is not yet placed. She is very tense. We want her to be placed in a good organization but many recruiters are not willing to interview her. And those who interview her, do not select her.”
I was not teaching Anubhuti’s batch. Goma, a Nepalese girl, was her classmate. I knew Goma Rai although I had never spoken to her. She was a visually challenged student in Anubhuti’s class.
“What do you expect me to do?”
“Sir, please speak to her. Her confidence is shaken. Many students from my class feel that you will be able to find a solution. Please meet her Sir, don’t say NO.”
Anubhuti was very persuasive. Some students were looking up to me to help her out and I had no solution in mind. Yet I reluctantly agreed to meet Goma. This is how I often suffer from ‘Guide’ syndrome. In the movie ‘Guide’, Dev Anand comes out of a prison, reaches a village and sleeps on the steps of a temple. A Sadhu notices him at the dawn, it is fairly cold there. He puts his saffron coloured shawl with ‘Shree Ram’ written on it, on Dev Anand and goes away. When villagers notice it in the morning, they think that a new Sadhu has arrived in their village and expect him to solve their problems!
People have given me impossible tasks for which I neither had skill nor will. And the bad part is that I have accepted them; saying ‘no’ clearly – even mumbling – just does not come easily to me. As if the pressure was not enough, my wife said, “You must do something for her. Find a solution somehow” as I got ready to leave for TISS.
When Goma arrived, I became tongue-tied. I did not know what to speak, how to begin conversation. We sat in a Professor’s office. Goma broke the silence. She was clear in her mind that it is difficult for a visually challenged person to get a job. But her experience of interviews was painful. She realized that the interviews were just a routine formality; that the interviewers were not seriously considering her for a job was obvious to her. Some organizations, particularly those in the Public Sector, have a policy of providing a job to the disabled. So, the HR managers of those organizations interview disabled students, and very often it is an empty formality, just a compliance to the procedure. They often do not select anybody.
Interviews had hurt her deeply and she started crying while narrating those experiences. I did not know what to do. I had never felt so helpless. That she was not able to see my tears was the only saving grace. A few minutes later both of us regained our composure.
“Sorry Sir.” Goma said, “Interview has been a humiliating experience.”
I changed the subject of our conversation to lighten the mood. Then I asked the peon to get us coffee. Basically, I was killing time to find some way of solving her problem, and the solution was evading me. I realized that I would not be able to solve her problem by the routine way of thinking. I took a deep breath and held it for a while. If you wish to move your mind from ‘emotional’ to ‘rational’, you must take a deep breath and hold it for a while – somebody had told me and I tried it.
‘How do they start the interview?” I asked Goma.
“Oh, they ask about my family, my education, I mean that is how all interviews begin. But their voice and tone soon tells me their lack of interest.”
I had done countless interviews in my career so I could imagine what was going through the mind of the interviewers.
“Please understand Goma, that the interviewer must be worried whether this girl can work like all persons with sight do. You are applying for a Trainee Manager position and usually it offers good pay.”
“Sir, I use a software called ‘Jaws.’ Using it I can work in Word, Excel and Power-point; I am as good at it as anybody else.”
“Can you give a demo?”
“Oh yes, of course. No problem. I do a lot of course work on my laptop.”
“Interviewer must be thinking – ‘Will this girl come alone to office? Or will I have to provide transportation help to her if I select her?’”
“But that is not a problem. I go to field work on my own. No help. You can ask my Field Supervisors.”
Her answers were reassuring, I thought. “Will you do as I say?”
“Of course, yes. Tell me”
“When the interview begins and after initial pleasantries, please tell the interviewer that you wish to make some statements, and three statements specifically. First, I can work like any person with sight on my laptop – there is a software called jaws which helps. Give him a quick demo and emphasize that you can work in Word, Excel and Power-point with equal ease. Then mention that you can travel and go anywhere without assistance and that he can verify this from the faculty, if he so desires. And lastly, tell him that visually challenged persons are perhaps more secure because everyone around turns very protective, unlike for people with sight. Tell him all this emphatically and confidently. Can you do it?”
“Yes Sir. No problem. I will do it.”
“This should work, Goma, and I am unable to think anything more for you.”
Anubhuti was eagerly waiting for us. I spoke to her as I came out, “Please see if you can join the interview as an observer. We will get some feedback; it might help.”
Two days later Anubhuti called up. Her happy tone was a happy surprise for me. “Sir, Goma did exactly as you said. She spoke confidently in the interview. I was allowed to attend the interview as an observer.”
Eventually Goma got a job through campus placement. But how could I unexpectedly find a solution to her problem remains a mystery to me. Was it because of empathy for Goma or was it because of the confidence students ‘burdened’ me with? I have no idea.
My real blind date was with an impossible and tricky situation, and yes, that’s why it became romantic.
And the question remains in my mind: ‘Who is really blind? One who is visually challenged or those who can’t see the potential and capabilities of the visually challenged?’
This is a true story. I have not changed the names – I have Goma and Anubhuti’s consent. This blog was originally published in Marathi on my Marathi Blog.
IMP:: Here is Goma’s response after reading the blog. Copied and Pasted unedited. You can also read her comment in the comment box.
“Dear Sir, reading this piece just brought fresh memories about my interviews at ONGC as I had followed those three mantras. As I have moved on in life and time restored my confidence, I do believe that people like Patwardhan sir is very few. Had there been little more the people with disability could live life of less challenge and do not have to prove their ability at every single step. Anyway I am an independent Goma today and feels blessed to be the lucky one amongst the millions due to the presence of good people like my batch mate, Anubhuti and mentor Patwardhan sir who are willing to go that little extra mile to make this world a better place.” – Goma (updated 14June2021)
Vivek S Patwardhan
“What you leave behind is not what is engraved in stone monuments, but what is woven into the lives of others.” **** “Aroehan: Creating Dream Villages in Mokhada by 2025: “No Malnutrition Deaths, No Child ‘Out of School’, Reduction in migration by 50%.”
Such a sensitive post so much empathy no pity . When one helps out of empathy , one helps find solutions thus liberating both the parties from any feeling of “dependence ” .
Wish more such mentors were around. Thanks a lot for sharing this
Often our handicap is our handicap because we Beleiev it’s because of that we are not getting selected. However it is the last of self confidence and self belief which is the biggest handicap
You have the right advice sir.
As a recruiter we search for “fit” and thus a preconvied ideas and notions creating bias.
Best wishes to Roma
Blessing to Anubhati for her persuasion
And you sir …are our evergreen hero in HR !
What worked was your experience…. And the genuine desire to help…. Solutions evade us if we don’t have that strong desire to help..
This is such a nostalgic reminder Sir. I do remember hearing as our batch supported Goma’s batch in their summers as well. But thanks more for sharing the moot point, often the sighted people are sightless of potential and talents that remain only to be exposed. Loved reading this and memories of TISS flooded back!
Excellent article Sir.
Written in a deeply gripping style. The Truth in the names made it more dynamic.
Your personal dialogue and humility of not owning the knowledge and the outcome made it reflective and an example of not owning doership.
Thank you ?
Best Regards
Mak
Ms Neelima Gokhale writes:
Vivek,
What a wonderful story! Thanks for sharing.
Anubhuti knew whom to go for help, Goma had a courage to ask for help and followed the advice and you took time to help a needy person and found a right solution. All of you did the right thing without any hesitations. Very admirable indeed!
All the best to Goma!
The world is a better place because of people like you and Anubhuti.
Neelima
Excellent Article Sir. Truly inspiring.
This reminds me of my experience as a member of the recruiting team from Wipro. I consented to participating in the selection process, as they were going to my alma mater – yes – Tata Institute of Social Sciences itself. I introduced a new process as a condition for my participation. There would be a situation based response questionnaire which would require the respondent to reason the choice among alternatives provided. So, if you scored the right choice, but reasoned it wrongly, you would be negatively scored! But if you scored the wrong choice, and you would reason for it relevant to the choice, you would get half the marks.
Anyway, this avoided lengthy Group Discussions and we were able to shortlist and interview student candidates. This process however disadvantaged a student, and the placement team came to us with the dliemma just you were approached. So, before we wound up, the Wipro HR team asked me what we could do. I said, I had my digital voice recorder, and we could ask the questions and provide the alternatives in voice mode, and the respondent could pick the response and verbalize the reasons. That way, we would have evidence of the selection process too. The various Wipro HR chiefs conferred pronto and gave consent to the process.
Nupur Jain – the assessee – it turned out scored the highest, and even outdid other candidates at TISS at our process.
That’s how with the blessings of Ranjan Acharya, my late boss, who spontaneously created a position under me, Wipro had it’s first visually challenged Managament Trainee.
Nupur Jain working under me on Behavioural Science Research and Disability Sensitivity Training went on to become the youngest recipient of NCPEDP’s Hellen Keller Award. Indeed, her sensitivity training influenced by what she learned under a South African facilitator, emphasised how society is more emotionally blind and sensitivity dumbed, than we are willing to acknowledge. Nupur is since happily settled with Krishn her husband (also visually challenged), with son Likhit. The couple work in the Delhi NCR region now. Both of them are inspirations for us all.
Incidentally, NCPEDP’s late founder Javed Abidi’s anniversary celebration is on this Friday 11th June 2021.
Thought, I’d append this note to your post.
Great, Your gesture has shown the path to a professionally Challenged girl. A Lesson to budding HR professionals who may have to such Intervention and Indulge in ‘ Blind Date’ Meeting between two who have not met each other before.
Keep blogging.
Aravamudhan
Wow that’s an incident I am aware of. So beautiful and awe inspiring!
A step back that you took , Sir, without getting immersed into the problem, and the moment of silence that emerged brought in the beautiful questioning in you. Silence within and getting rested at the heart always brings new insights and perspectives.
You suggested to Goma to lead the interview, be authentic and set the context with the abilities she possesses. That led to the breaking of Goma as a person within herself, and finally leading to the breakthrough in the form of a job.
More than the job, it’s a breakthrough for a life time and a change in perspective and mindset to look at things. A great life lesson for Goma,
Great Anubhuti and Ofcourse, Sir your valuable insights for Goma.
Until something breaks inside, transformation never happens.
Very well-captured incident, sir!!! A proven example that out-of-the-box thinking literally helps…
An inspiring true story shared by you . Because of your rich experience and empathy ,you found right solution for Shoma. Really great. Thank you for the nice share . Please continue to write such inspiring blogs for the benefit of all readers. Regards
Vivek,
Deep sensitivity and following problem solving process led to success.
You gave her tips but more than that confidence and encouragement that she can do it.
As always a very inspiring and interesting incident. No wonder people naturally gravitate towards you Vivek for solutions. You make it sound so simple:)
This is most inspiring sir. You not only talk about Goma and her emotions, but also share your emotions about how to help her. I think if we all admit to our vulnerabilities and try and support each other, life would work well. The part about asking her to showcase her abilities is key to her winning. I had a similar experience with a student in TISS. He was part of a batch and he kept losing out on a job in the final round! I had the opportunity of appreciating his keen mind and articulation ability, the fact that he felt strongly about issues and that he read extensively. Watching Md Ashif of PwC demonstrating the software that allowed him to function effortlessly helped me to select this student who ‘incidentally was visually challenged;. He went on to join as a consultant and go on study in US and then do a PhD. It needs someone to encourage and take first step and sets the path for rest of us to follow. Sir this blog will be inspiring to many. Students and Recruiters.
Thanks Vivek for sharing. Keep mentoring us. We all have many BLIND SPOTS and a blind date with you will bring it in open arena.
One 0f your BLINDs I have observed is your modesty
It really makes me ponder who really is the Blind?
Really, we are so insensitive to the needs and more importantly the potential many of such people possess.
We want to live in our comfort zone, oblivious of our responsibilities as a member of the Society towards the differently abled.
In fact those in power should use it for the benefit of such members, else what use is that power of?
Thanks for sharing.
Guide syndrome 🙂
Thank you for your honesty, Vivek-dada and the remarkable story. It is our discomfort that we need to overcome, for anything that is not normal.
Loved the story Vivek
I am sure Goma must be doing well wherever she is now-is there some scope for her to share this story with other challenged people-it is very inspiring
Beautifully written, Mr Patwardhan. I have been tongue tied on so many occasions! That you reached to your own internal emotions and responded to Goma’s needs is a nice way of getting oneself when one doesn’t know what to say.
Sir,
Your story reminds me of a similar incident which happened in our organisation during recruitment of candidates for the posts of supervisors. There was a guy who was physically challenged (polio affected legs) but was very good in written tests. He also came out with flying colours in the interview and demonstrated that he could work independently without any help. I was there in the interview board and was keen on engaging him but the other two senior members in the board were against engaging him with the excuse that he will not be able to carry out heavy work and will prove to be a burden in the long run. I tried my best to fight and prove my point but ultimately even the top HR person was reluctant to engage him. The guy pleaded with tears in his eyes and ultimately left unsuccessful. I was helpless and the memory used to haunt me for many years. After a gap of nearly six years, when I was conducting a class on communication for a group of engineers from WBSEDCL, one of the participants greeted me suddenly and introduced himself. To my utter surprise I found that the participant was the same person who got rejected by our company for physical disability. After getting rejected he had applied for a job at WBSEDCL where he got selected without any hurdles and also got promoted within a short period because of his ability. That incident only proves that people are not limited by their disability and the disability is only in the minds of the recruiters and so called HR professionals without any human touch. Also one more point was proved – ‘When one door closes in front of you, several doors open with fresh opportunities – Do not despair and try hard, you will ultimately succeed’.
Such a inspiring incident and so well written. Admire the way you brought the best out of Goma and cemented her self belief.
Leaves us with lot of reflections on our biases and ways of judging people without empathy.
Dear sir, reading this piece just brought fresh memories about my interviews at ONGC as I had followed those three mantras. As I have moved on in life and time restored my confidence, I do believe that people like Patwardhan sir is very few. Had there been little more the people with disability could live life of less challenge and do not have to prove their ability at every singal step. Anyway I am an independent Goma today and feels blessed to be the lucky one amongst the millionsdue to the presence of good people like my batch mate, Anubhuti and mentor Patwardhan sir who are willing to go that little extra mile to make this world a better place.
Honestly speaking, reading this at first brought me tears as the memory flashed before me of the painful times. But then I realise that my hardwork paid is off with interest. As I was child, getting quality education for a blind person was a challenge. God did sent me to a good school. Once I completed my education, securing a job was another challenge, Ultimately I made to my dream organization. After I got married, I was blessed with the baby boy. Then raising an infant was altogether a different challenge Mother task without manual or mentor was absolutely direction less. but it feels like within a blink of an eye he is five and appears to be my guiding star. Next suddenly without any warning or alarm, we landed to the world of Covid era. Life seemed to be impossible without domestic help and rolling chapati became a task which I never ever thought about. A couple of days back, a thought crossed my mind and I no longer feel I am blind. Probably I may have created my own happy space with the God’s grace.